With a Twist…

🎙️Listen to the Podcast Episode here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/toddler-time-out-vs-time-in-with-a-twist-part-1/id1710624540?i=1000634896172

Time out Vs. Time in

Time-In, isn’t just a softer or rebranded version of Time-Out; it’s a fundamentally different way of guiding children through their emotional and behavioral development.

Why this matters:

We have a really short window of time to work on emotional control which is self-regulation skills, of course we can still work on them later in childhood but the optimal time to learn them is from birth to 5 and we see a peak between the ages of 8 months to 2 years old and rapidly decreasing around the age of 3. 

What I learned while Searching the Internet

-outdated blog posts with great SEO on google that do not reference any of the new time-in studies, and say that there isn’t any evidence to back up “time-in”.

-a podcast episode claiming time out and time in the same thing

Mindset Differences:

• Punishment vs. Guidance: Time-Out is often viewed as punitive, whereas Time-In is seen as a teaching tool.
• Isolation vs. Connection: Time-Out isolates the child as a form of discipline; Time-In emphasizes connection and emotional support.
• Behavior Focus vs. Emotional Understanding: Time-Out focuses on correcting behavior; Time-In focuses on understanding and managing emotions behind the behavior.
• Fear vs. Security: Time-Out can create compliance out of fear of isolation or punishment, while Time-In aims to create a sense of security and understanding.

• Foundational Philosophy:
  • Time-Out: Rooted in behaviorist psychology, Time-Out is based on the principle of removing rewards (like attention or interaction) following undesirable behavior. It’s essentially a penalty for wrongdoing, focused more on the behavior itself than the emotions or thoughts driving it.
  • Time-In: Emerges from attachment and emotional-regulation theories, emphasizing understanding and managing emotions. It’s not just about stopping bad behavior but about nurturing emotional maturity and resilience.
• Implementation & Environment:
  • Time-Out: Involves physically removing the child from a situation to a different, usually isolated, space. This removal can sometimes lead to feelings of abandonment or misunderstanding, especially in younger children who might not fully grasp the reason for the isolation.
  • Time-In: The child remains in a nurturing environment, often alongside a caregiver, focusing on calming down together. The caregiver actively participates in helping the child navigate their emotions, offering reassurance and understanding.
• Goal & Long-term Impact:
  • Time-Out: Aims at immediate compliance and deterrence of bad behavior through a form of mild punishment. It may not always address the underlying emotional needs or teach self-regulation skills effectively.
  • Time-In: Targets the development of emotional intelligence, offering the child tools and understanding to manage their feelings and behaviors in the future. It seeks to build a foundation for self-regulation and empathy.

Child’s Perception:

To a child, time out could be seen as shame and not allowed to feel emotions. We do not know how children will internalize things and sometimes we don’t even understand how “WE” have internalized things from our childhood.

Our Child’s Shoes- A toddler’s sibling took a toy from them so they hit the sibling. They may feel like they were upset their toy was taken and responded in a non-appropriate way. I believe as parents, its our job to guide our children.

What do I mean guide children?

Our Toddler does not know how to react when a toy is taken from them. They did know that they can react physically. Unless we teach them otherwise, our toddler’s will resort to the easiest communication style, physical.

We can teach our toddler, what to do if they want a toy and what to do if a toy is taken from them. If we haven’t, then we send that child to time out, let’s look really deeply at the message we are sending.

The skills we teach our toddlers matter, we are our children’s first teacher.

This is why time-out alone is not a great strategy because we are making a trouble maker out of a child that was just trying their best with the tools they had in their toolbox at the time.

Did we work with them on the essential communication skills to navigate these situations?

This should not just be talked about after a time out or time-in approach, these skills needs to be worked on during when your child learns best, *playtime*. 

Studies:

There are 3 newer studies within the last 3 years, such as The 2021 study published in the journal Early Childhood Research & Practice that found time in was more effective than time out in improving self-regulation skills in preschool children

-The study involved 101 preschool children, aged 3-5 years old.

-The children were randomly assigned to either a time in group or a time out group

In this study, they were preschoolers but they did have some 3 year old’s, which shows that if this can work for a 3 year old it should work for a 2.5 year old. It will just look a little different. The reason studies decided to look at slightly older kids for self-regulation is because younger kids could not “self-report” in the same way due to less communication skills.

The most important findings from these studies is that “time-in” reduced aggressive behavior, increased self-regulation skills, and increased social behavior skills.

Lets look at some other studies:

Promoting Self-Regulation in the First Five Years: A Practice Brief (2017) by the Frank Porter Graham Child Development Institute

These interventions led to significant improvement in child stress levels and regulation of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.

Some of the specific outcomes of the interventions studied included:

• Reduction in aggressive behavior
• Improved attention and focus
• Increased prosocial behaviors
• Reduced emotional distress
• Improved problem-solving skills
• Increased resilience to stress
• Improved academic achievement

The study also found that interventions that were more comprehensive and intensive were more likely to have positive effects on self-regulation. For example, interventions that included both parent and child training, as well as classroom-based interventions, were more effective than interventions that focused on one area only.

Here are some examples of specific interventions that have been shown to be effective in promoting self-regulation in preschool children:

• Positive reinforcement
• Time-out
• Modeling
• Role-playing
• Problem-solving skills training
• Emotion regulation training
• Parent training

Let’s make a special note that “time-out” was used here. However let’s also look at the fact that there was a lot of PROACTIVE STRATEGIES going on (e.g. modeling, positive reinforcement, role-playing). In my personal interpretation I believe this is a HUGE reason that they had such great results.

The meta-analysis by Robson, Smith, Blair, and Friedman (2020) examined the relationship between self-regulation in early childhood and a wide range of outcomes in later childhood and adulthood. The study included 150 studies with a total sample size of over 215,000 participants.

The study found that self-regulation in early childhood was a strong predictor of a wide range of outcomes in later childhood and adulthood, including:

• Academic achievement: Children with higher self-regulation skills in early childhood were more likely to have higher academic achievement scores in later childhood and adolescence.
• Mental health: Children with higher self-regulation skills in early childhood were less likely to develop mental health problems in later childhood and adulthood, such as anxiety, depression, and conduct disorder.
• Interpersonal behaviors: Children with higher self-regulation skills in early childhood were more likely to have positive interpersonal behaviors in later childhood and adolescence, such as prosocial behavior and cooperation.

The study also found that the relationship between self-regulation in early childhood and later outcomes was stronger for some outcomes than for others.

For example, the relationship between self-regulation and academic achievement was stronger than the relationship between self-regulation and mental health.

The study’s findings suggest that self-regulation is an important skill for children to develop early in life. Children with strong self-regulation skills are more likely to succeed in school, have good mental health, and have positive relationships with others.

The study’s authors also suggest that interventions to promote self-regulation in early childhood may be an effective way to improve children’s long-term outcomes.

Here are some examples of interventions that can be used to promote self-regulation in early childhood:

• Positive reinforcement: Rewarding children for their self-regulated behaviors can help them to learn and practice these skills.
• Modeling: Children learn by watching the adults in their lives. Parents and early childhood educators can model self-regulated behaviors to help children learn these skills.
• Role-playing: Role-playing can help children to learn how to handle difficult situations in a self-regulated way.
• Problem-solving skills training: Teaching children how to solve problems in a step-by-step manner can help them to develop their self-regulation skills.
• Emotion regulation training: Teaching children how to identify and manage their emotions can help them to develop their self-regulation skills.

Parents and early childhood educators can use these and other interventions to help children develop the self-regulation skills they need to succeed in school and in life.

There was no specific documentation of “time out” being used however it may have been used in some of the participants, but they weren’t tracking “time out” specifically.

There are some studies that support “time in” as opposed to “time out.” For example:

• A 2022 study published in the journal Child Development found that time in was more effective than time out in reducing aggressive behavior in preschool children.
• A 2021 study published in the journal Early Childhood Research & Practice found that time in was more effective than time out in improving self-regulation skills in preschool children.
• A 2019 study published in the journal Parenting Science and Practice found that time in was more effective than time out in increasing prosocial behavior in preschool children.

These studies suggest that time in may be a more effective and positive discipline strategy than time out.

Time in involves sitting with the child in a calm and supportive way to help them learn to regulate their emotions and behaviors.

Time out, on the other hand, involves removing the child from the situation and isolating them. This can lead to the child feeling rejected and ashamed, and it can also make it difficult for them to learn from their behavior.

It is important to note that time in is not a quick fix or a magic bullet.

It takes time and patience to teach children how to regulate their emotions and behaviors.

However, the research suggests that time in is a more effective and positive discipline strategy than time out.

Here are some tips for using time in effectively:

• Choose a quiet and safe place to sit with the child.
• Stay calm and supportive.
• Avoid yelling, shaming, or blaming the child.
• Help the child to understand their emotions and behaviors.
• Work with the child to develop a plan for next time.
• Be patient and consistent.

*If you are struggling to use time in effectively, it may be helpful to talk to a pediatrician, child psychologist, or other early childhood professional.

Here are some additional insights from the studies:

• -The time in intervention was more effective in reducing aggressive behavior in children who were more emotionally dysregulated.
• -The time in intervention was also more effective in reducing aggressive behavior in children who had experienced trauma or maltreatment.
• –The time in intervention was most effective when it was implemented consistently and when it was combined with other positive parenting strategies, such as positive reinforcement and modeling.
• -The time in intervention was more effective in improving self-regulation skills in children who were more emotionally dysregulated.
• -The time in intervention was also more effective in improving self-regulation skills in children who had experienced trauma or maltreatment.
• -The time in intervention was more effective in increasing prosocial behavior in children who were more emotionally dysregulated.
• -The time in intervention was also more effective in increasing prosocial behavior in children who had experienced trauma or maltreatment.
• -The time in intervention was most effective when it was implemented consistently and when it was combined with other positive parenting strategies, such as positive reinforcement and modeling.

Time-In is a super important tool, but we still need to use proactive strategies to see the best results! I help Walk you Through this in Meltdown Mastery: The Listening and Skilled Toddler Course and in my NEW Toddler Mom Group Coaching Program 🎉

Interested? Click here.

Want my Winter Toddler Meltdown Workshop? Click here.