Between 18 months and 2 ½ years, toddlers experience rapid growth and development. From toddling around and saying a few words to running, jumping, climbing, and talking in full sentences, they are bigger, stronger, and more capable that ever. Not only are their physical and communication abilities growing, they are also going through cognitive changes, emotional and social development, showing self-care abilities and behavioral changes.

Heather goes through all these different developmental milestones, highlighting key insights and sharing stories from her own experience to help us understand this very important first year of toddlerhood.

**Listen to the full podcast episode here, or keep reading for the insights!

Physical Development

Toddlers are gaining much more control over their movement, in their whole body and their hands.

• Gross Motor Skills: Toddlers are running, jumping, climbing, spinning, balancing, and taking more risks during this stage. It is a good idea to have designated spaces where they can safely move around, practice these physical skills, and take some risks while limiting potential injury.
• Fine motor: Their dexterity is also increasing and they can now turn pages in a book, build towers with blocks, and use utensils at mealtimes. They will start to participate in some creative activities like drawing with crayons, playing with playdough, and placing stickers.

Cognitive development

Our toddlers’ brains are continuing to make connections and learn the patterns of the world. The more they practice certain actions and see their effects, the more they learn and understand.

• Language Skills: Toddlers experience explosive growth in communication during this phase, going from only saying a few words to four or five word sentences and phrases. Their babble and unique pronunciations will turn into clearer words that are easier for everyone to understand.
• Problem-Solving Skills: As we study the brain development of toddlers, we see that pre-math problem solving skills actually begin forming between 8 months and 2 years. This spatial and situational problem solving is the foundation of their future critical thinking skills.
• Imaginative Play: Around this time, pretend play starts to emerge as their imaginations develop. They might pretend to feed a doll, cook, and copy other household chores like sweeping and vacuuming.

Emotional and Social Development

As our toddlers abilities grow, they want to do things themselves. Though they want to assert their independence, they still rely on our help and guidance. This dynamic can lead to conflict, but knowing that our toddlers still need us as their safe place can help us remember to be our toddler’s calm as we help them weather the storm.

• Parallel Play: Playing independently alongside another child is an early sign of future cooperative play.
• Stranger Danger: Toddlers at this age may go through another round of separation anxiety as well as an aversion to new people or new places, causing them to cling more. Try to let them warm up to things at their own pace as much as you can.
• Understand Basic Emotions: They will start to recognize, understand, and even name basic emotions like happy, sad, and mad in others and in themselves.
• Self-Care Skills: Self-feeding, putting hands through sleeves and legs through pants, and potty training may begin around this time. Though they may try to dress themselves, they often still need help.
• Language and Communication: Toddlers are able to understand more of what we are saying and start to be able to follow a simple direction as well as two to three step directions.

Behavior

In the middle of all these changes, we also see our toddler’s unique personality start to grow as they find their own sets of strengths and interests. At this time, our toddlers are beginning to understand that they are separate people from us and start to make that fact known, sometimes leading to the challenging behavior toddlers are known for.

• They want independence, even though they have a long way to go before they can truly have it.
• They start to say “no” and make their preferences known.
• They have meltdowns and tantrums when things don’t go their way.
• They test boundaries as a way to understand and explore their environment and see where the lines really are.
• They start gravitating towards certain activities, toys, or characters. They might have a favorite stuffed animal, song, or food.

Examples from Real Life

All toddlers develop at their own pace. Even though Heather’s boys are twins, they still have different abilities and timing when hitting milestones.

For example, one of her twin toddlers had more advanced language skills earlier on while the other outpaced his brother in his physical abilities. After a few months, her twin with less words caught up to his brother with more and they were then at the same skill level.

I have found this same dynamic with my own boys who are close in age. One has grasped language earlier, or been earlier to walk while others have shown more interest in drawing or dancing earlier on. Though we want to help our children grow and meet certain milestones, we also don’t want to put too much pressure on them by comparing them to others. Every child is on their own unique journey. Whether our toddler is the first to reach a milestone or the last, their journey has value.

Below are some more examples of how these milestones play out in real life from Heather’s twins and my own boys close in age, showing both how similar and varied all of our toddler’s experiences can be.

18-19 Months

• During this time, Heather’s twins enjoyed helping around the house and imitating chores in their play. They loved pushing buttons, especially on the washing machine, as well as throwing balls. They also started having meltdowns when they couldn’t do things that they wanted to, like turning light switches on and off. To manage this, Heather became creative with redirection, which she calls a “2 Second Solution.”
• At this age my boys also loved helping. One of their favorite activities was taking wet clothes and putting them in the dryer. Both started having meltdowns over frustrations, often getting caught in a “yes, no” loop.

20 Months

• At this point Heather’s twins went through a stage where they did not want to be in the double stroller when on walks and preferred being pulled in a wagon instead.
• My boys also went through a no-stroller phase, but for them it happened close to 2 and a half, and at that point we also used a wagon instead. They both went back to loving the stroller again after a few months.

21 Months

• Heather’s twins loved picking flowers and berries at this age. They also loved participating in the library toddler song and story time. They did sometimes have some stranger danger towards certain people and sometimes would hide and cling to her instead of playing with others. Heather tried not to force any interactions but rather encouraged them to warm up and join at their own pace.
• When my oldest was this age, his younger brother was just starting to laugh and interact, so my oldest would bring him toys and pile them up beside him. My oldest also loved going to the park and sharing whatever toy he brought with anyone there. When his younger brother was this age, he often wanted to be right by me in social situations, being slower to warm up.

22 Months

• This is the time when Heather noticed her boys getting good at sand play, digging and scooping. They also went in for a checkup around this time and the pediatrician did have a concern about their language development, so Heather began targeting growth in language skills through what she calls “15 Minutes to Milestones,” a bin full of assorted activities and objects to explore to develop certain skills through play. After implementing this method, the twins’ language blossomed.
• I also started doing some one-on-one sensory bin or sticker book activities with my oldest at this age, which I would pull out while his younger brother was napping. At this age his brother loved sorting things by color and often turned our baskets of toys into organized piles of color.

23 Months

• Heather’s twins loved going down slides at the playground and were participating in growing herbs in the garden, loving to water them with a watering can.
• At this age my oldest was resisting his highchair and we needed it for his younger brother, so we moved him to a booster seat at the table. The newness of the booster actually helped reduce his struggles coming to the table. My second son moved to the booster even earlier because some of his resistance to the highchair came from wanting to be at the big table just like his brother.

24 Months

• At two years old, Heather’s twins loved any and all water play, pouring, splashing, and jumping in puddles. One of their favorite toys was a lawnmower that made sounds and blew bubbles when they pushed it.
• My boys also loved that same kind of bubble blowing lawnmower at this age and would follow their dad every time he mowed the lawn. They also enjoyed using a small mop and broom set as well as their play kitchen.

25 Months

• Heather’s boys began swim lessons at this time, which was challenging in the beginning. Even though they were sometimes unsure of the class, continuing on even when it was hard built the boys’ confidence as they learned to work through their discomfort and overcome it, gaining water safety skills.
• At this age my boys really started to show different toy preferences. One loved figurine animals, construction vehicles, and puzzles while the other loved small manipulatives like dice and marbles as well as any toy with buttons and lights.

26-27 Months

• Heather’s twins’ language skills had increased significantly by this time and the pediatrician was no longer concerned. The boys loved being outside and were able to play much more independently, going off without parents right there with them.
• Around this age we started potty training both of my boys. One of them took to it quickly and was very independent once he learned, while for the other it’s still an ongoing learning process.

28-29 Months

• At this time, Heather’s boys were joining in more fun crafting activities like painting. They were also starting to copy phrases and mannerisms from their parents. This shows why modeling is so important; they really do copy what we do and say, whether we like it or not!

30 Months

• Heather saw a big increase in imaginative play at this age as well as seeing early signs of cooperative play. Her twins would pretend to answer the phone, play car wash with cars, and act out scenarios with little people toys.

Celebrate the Wins

One of Heather’s biggest challenges with her twins during their first year of toddlerhood was that they would often run into the street. With two active toddlers running in different directions, this posed a serious safety concern. It took almost the whole year, but as Heather worked on that boundary and taught where to run instead, her twins eventually grew in their understanding of boundaries and learned to stay away from the street. That is a win to celebrate!

When our toddlers are struggling with challenging behaviors like running into the street, throwing food or milk cups on the floor, or melting down in frustration, it is important for us to not overlook the wins, both big and small. Have they gotten less accident prone, learned how to ask for help, or can copy us when we show them how to take a deep breath? These are all wins. As Heather puts it, they may have knocked down the Christmas tree, but they did not throw their milk cups on the floor today, and that’s a win.

If you find yourself needing more parenting tools and support, sign up for the free Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Guide and Workshop here!

Hi! I’m Dabney, mom to three boys in three years! I found Heather through her podcast while searching for tools to help my own toddler’s aggressive outbursts and button pushing behaviors. Few voices in the parenting world address how to manage the intensity of these toddler behaviors when you have not just one but two or more children with you.

Enter Heather, an educator for ten years turned twin mom of two boys with stories and strategies that highlighted how to manage these hard moments while also being outnumbered. I participated in her most recent Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Workshop and Cohort and found her strategies simple and effective. Not only is my parenting better for it, but I am growing in my confidence along this journey collecting more tools along the way!