Is your toddler now big enough and strong enough to climb on top of the furniture by themselves? Is your older toddler climbing and then jumping off of high objects, leaving you worried for their safety?

Know you are in good company because, fortunately and unfortunately, climbing, jumping, and other risky roughhousing are very much part of normal development and can peak during certain stages of toddlerhood. So what can we do to save our sanity and keep our toddler safe when they are engaging in these types of risky behaviors?

Heather helps breaks this question down by explaining the progression of risk taking behavior through different toddler stages and offering some simple solutions, giving guidance on how to have effective communication around this issue, and showing how to find safe outlets for our toddlers that can still fulfill their natural drive to take risks.

**Listen to the full podcast episode here, or read on for the insights!

Why Do Toddlers Take Risks?

Our toddlers are prompted to take risks by their need to develop their gross motor skills as well as their desire to explore their environment and test boundaries. They also may be taking risks to get our attention, potentially feeding an attention seeking behavior feedback loop. If we have two or more toddlers, they can also take more risks because they become competitive, feeding off of each other’s playful energy.

Taking Risks is Good for Development

Taking risks like climbing on furniture develops toddlers’ balance and hand eye coordination as well as helping them learn about special relationships and how to navigate their surroundings. A study published in The Journal of Pediatrics found that toddlers who engaged in risky play were more likely to be developmentally advanced in their motor skills and cognitive development. The study also found that risky play was associated with increased creativity and problem solving skills.

So risk taking behavior like climbing on the couch and jumping off of things is actually beneficial for our toddler’s development. The question then is, how do we let our toddlers gain the benefits from risky play while also keeping them safe and setting boundaries around roughhousing, especially on furniture?

Different Stages of Risk Taking Behavior

The answer to that question will depend on your toddler’s age and stage of development. Because of their rapid physical and mental growth over these years, an approach that works for a younger toddler might not work for an older one and vice versa.

Young Toddlerhood: 12 to 24 Months

Young toddlers are still refining their gross motor skills. They may attempt to climb on furniture and navigate the stairs on their own as they explore and challenge their abilities. At this age our toddlers do not have a good understanding of danger, so their risk taking behavior is uninhibited. They might also engage in other exploitative behaviors such as reaching, grabbing, and putting things in their mouth. As they grow and are able to reach higher, ledges and countertops that once were safe might not be anymore and small items can be choking hazards.

Middle Toddlerhood: 2 to 3 Years

Between the ages of 2 and 3, toddlers are much more capable climbers which often leads them to look for even greater challenges and risks. Thankfully, they do develop a better sense of balance and coordination at this age which means they won’t fall as much as they might have when they were first learning to climb. They also start to understand boundaries and rules better, but will still test those boundaries as they are also starting to assert their own independence.

Late Toddlerhood: 3 and 4 Years

Toddlers at this age are even more confident in their physical abilities and they are now starting to understand the concept of danger and internalize the cause and effect of certain risky behaviors. However, they are still going to take risks because they are curious, want to explore, and cannot always control their impulses. They also engage in deeper imaginative play which can lead to risky scenarios like pretending to fly by jumping off of a high piece of furniture.

Proactive and Clear Solutions

At each of these stages, our reaction as parents really matters. These behaviors can be very stressful for us, but, as we have seen, they are normal and even beneficial to our toddlers overall development. We want to be proactive in setting appropriate boundaries while also allowing their natural drive to explore.

Solution #1: 2 Second Solution

What Heather calls a “2 second solution” is a quick and clear explanation and redirection strategy. When you see your toddler start to climb on the couch, you can let your toddler know that they can climb, maybe on their playset or at the park, but not on the couch. Depending on the age, you can explain more as to why it is not safe to climb on the couch, but keep the explanation short and simple. Then you can direct their attention to what they should be doing on the couch, emphasizing that we sit and can read books on the couch instead of climb.

How to implement:

• Follow-through: When we give examples of appropriate behavior or things to climb instead, we want to make sure that we are not just talking about what to do but are actively following through, moving them in that direction. We want to make the connection between our words and or actions as clear as we can.
• Different activity: If your toddler does not want to either sit on the couch or climb on something appropriate, you can have them move to an entirely different activity, like something else fun that they like to do. This works best for younger toddlers because they have shorter attention spans so we can more easily get them focused on something else.
• Swift boundary: If they are still not listening, we can take the lead and help them stay safe by removing them from the couch and taking them to another area.

Solution #2: Use “No!” Sparingly

When we are talking to our toddlers, we do not want to become a broken record that they start to tune out, especially when it comes to important safety words like “no,” “stop” and “don’t.” If we say these words too often in our parenting without following through, they might start to lose their meaning. If our child becomes desensitized, they may not react to those words when we really need them to. We want to reserve our more serious “No!” for more serious situations.

EXAMPLES

• While at the park, one of Heather’s toddlers saw an older kid jump off a high ledge and went to copy him. In that moment Heather used a big, “Stop!” and her toddler froze in his tracks long enough for Heather to reach him and help him away from the dangerous edge.
• While cooking in the kitchen, one of Heather’s toddlers reached up to touch a pan on the hot stove and Heather jumped in with an immediate and passionate “No, Stop!” Her toddler listened immediately and looked at her. Then she was able to give a more complete explanation as to why he should never touch the stove.

Another reason to not focus too much on using negative commands like “No! Stop Climbing! I said don’t!” is that our toddler might actually think that making us repeat these same phrases and getting a reaction out of us is funny and continue to do it for attention.

On the flip side, if we use a lot of negative language around risk taking and are overly cautious and worried ourselves, we might needlessly restrict their freedom which could cause our toddler to also become overly cautious, inhibiting their natural risk taking tendencies and growth. We all want to keep our toddlers safe, but we don’t want to accidentally instill fear or anxiety in them.  

Solution #3: Use Simple Communication

There are many great communication scripts for parents online, but they tend to be overly wordy for the sake of communicating information to you, but not necessarily your toddler. We need to know our toddlers, their ages and what they are capable of understanding, and explain things in ways that they will understand, using their toddler words and very short sentences.

• Emphasize safety: We want to make our reasons for safety boundaries clear to our toddlers. When explaining why not to touch the stove to an older toddler you might say, “The stove is hot and it can burn you,” but for a younger toddler you might say, “Ouchy! No touch.” Using words and phrases that are familiar to them will help them connect new information to previous experiences.
• Point out the positives: When they are listening, whether they are sitting on the couch instead of climbing or climbing on their playset instead of the couch, we want to give that behavior attention and praise. We want to give them positive feedback instead of only giving them attention for negative behavior because our attention will fuel their behavior.
• Teach consequences: We can draw our toddler’s attention to both natural and logical consequences. The natural consequence of jumping on the couch is that they might fall and hurt themselves. The logical consequence if they either don’t understand or are not listening is that they will be removed from the couch to go do something else.  

Solution #4: Find an Appropriate Outlet

Our toddlers all have unique interests and skill sets. Some toddlers love to draw and sing while others love to throw, climb, and jump. Our job is to find activities where our toddlers who like to throw, climb, and jump can do those things safely and positively.

Examples: For climbing

• Safe climbing structures: If your child loves to climb, make sure you have safe climbing structures available to them, like a backyard playset, an indoor toddler set or play cushions, or a playground to go to nearby. You can also enroll in climbing classes or gymnastics.
• Toddler proofing: Make sure that furniture is stable and book shelves are secured to the wall so that they won’t tip as toddlers who climb will try climbing everything.
• Safe climbing spaces: Set up designated safe risk taking, gross motor building spaces that are cushioned and safe for roughhousing. When our toddlers want to climb and jump, we can show them how they should not climb on the counter or the table, but they can climb and jump from the play couch cushions with the foam mat underneath and pillows all around.

Using these strategies, we can clearly communicate expectations, cause and effect, and boundaries to our toddlers while also honoring their natural tendencies by channeling them in ways that are safe and constructive.

If you find yourself needing more parenting tools and support, sign up for the free Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Guide and Workshop here!

Hi! I’m Dabney, mom to three boys in three years! I found Heather through her podcast while searching for tools to help my own toddler’s aggressive outbursts and button pushing behaviors. Few voices in the parenting world address how to manage the intensity of these toddler behaviors when you have not just one but two or more children with you.

Enter Heather, an educator for ten years turned twin mom of two boys with stories and strategies that highlighted how to manage these hard moments while also being outnumbered. I participated in her Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Workshop and Cohort and found her strategies simple and effective. Not only is my parenting better for it, but I am growing in my confidence along this journey collecting tools along the way.