The start of a new year is often a time of reflection, looking back on the old year and looking forward to a fresh start. But New Year’s can also be a stressful time where we feel pressured into setting lofty goals, committing to all the trendy best practices in health, fitness, and even parenting.

When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, Heather wants to take the pressure off while also supporting realistic goals, reminding us that, whatever we add or subtract, our goals should work for us, not against us.

**Listen to the full podcast episode, Mindful Parenting in the New Year, where Heather gives her best tips on making realistic resolutions.

**Listen to the full podcast episode, The KEY to Parenting Your Toddler with LESS STRESS in 2025, to hear about making a reverse bucket list for the New Year.

New Year’s Resolutions

When we think of New Year’s resolutions, many of us recall how we often lose motivation by February and stop altogether by March. Understanding why these resolutions tend to fail can help us avoid making parenting goals that end the same way. If we can recognize the common mistakes to avoid, we can increase our chances of success.

Pitfall #1: Setting unrealistic goals.

If you set an overly ambitious goal that’s hard to accomplish, you are setting yourself up for a struggle.

EXAMPLE: Eliminating all screen time when your family is used to regular screen time.

• It might be very difficult for you and your family to go from daily screen time to none at all.
• How could you decrease time slowly over time instead?

Pitfall #2: Having lofty goals that are vague and undefined.

EXAMPLE: Setting a goal to be a better parent this year.

• What makes a better parent? What are the steps?
• A parent who feels bad for yelling might have a goal to not yell as much, but what does that look like in reality? How do you define that?
• We need to make sure our goals are clear and attainable, and that we plan out how to accomplish them.

Pitfall #3: Putting too much focus on the outcomes and forgetting the journey.

EXAMPLE: Setting a goal that our toddlers will eat a variety of healthy foods.

• We will prepare a healthy meal for our children and hope they enjoy it.
• What if we offer them the healthy food and they refuse? Our goals shouldn’t depend on others’ actions. We can decide what to serve, but we can’t control what our child eats.

Pitfall #4: Lack of support.

When we make goals in isolation, it is very hard to maintain our motivation and reach them. We need community and support from people in the same stage of life as us, who understand our struggles, as well as help from those who are further along in the journey.

• Seek support from those around you, or experts and a community that has been there before.

Pitfall #5: Having an all-or-nothing mindset.

As soon as New Year’s goals get thrown off, many give up all together because they feel like they already failed and there’s no point in continuing. However, life doesn’t work that way. We sometimes achieve a three step goal by moving two steps forward, one step back, then two steps forward again. Progress is not linear, even if we wish it were.

We need to make sure we have goals that are flexible and adaptable.

EXAMPLE: You have a goal to work out for an hour three times a week, but one of those days your work out was only 30 minutes.

• Option 1: You could reevaluate your goal, making sure it is realistic and that you actually have the time and energy to meet it.
• Option 2: You allow yourself flexibility and continue to aim for an hour even if it occasionally is less.

Whatever you are doing now to reach a goal is already more than what you were doing before, so don’t give up. Adjust your goals as needed and work up to them slowly so you are able to follow through.

Pitfall #6. Timing of New Year’s resolutions.

Creating New Year’s resolutions comes right after the business of the holiday season. Sticking to goals is challenging when we are already trying to get back into normal routines and feel the added pressure of doing something new on top that.

Give Yourself Grace

While New Year’s resolutions often get a bad rap, goals are still worth having, we just need to make sure that they are realistic and that we are gracious with ourselves as we begin them.

• Start with small, measurable goals.
• Do what works for you and your family.
• Plan to build onto the goal later.
• Schedule in when you are going to make the time for it.
• Write out what small steps you can take first.
• Find someone who can support you in meeting your goal.

It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay if we have to readjust our goals to make them more attainable. Our children see how we treat ourselves. What we model to them has the potential to impact the way they treat themselves as they grow and work towards goals so be gentle and patient with yourself.

Creating a “Reverse Bucket List”

Another way to make goals in the New Year is to create a “reverse bucket list,” where you remove things from your life that are draining you, freeing up your time and energy for the things that are truly important. When modern parenting feels like an endless to-do list, sometimes the best thing to do is intentionally subtract things that no longer serve us.

The concept of a “reverse bucket list” is an idea recently discussed by Arthur Brooks, author of The Art and Science of Happiness. He explains how the constant cycle of ‘wanting’ to do more and have more can take over, causing us to lose sight of what we already do have and appreciate.

So how can we create a “reverse bucket list” for our parenting?

Step 1: Reflect on What’s Draining You

Ask yourself, what is currently on your mental, emotional, or physical plate? Do any of those things feel overwhelming, unnecessary, or are no longer serving you? If so, you might want to eliminate that extra stress from your family life.

EXAMPLES to get you started:

• Rushing to a toddler activity or class and feeling anxious and overwhelmed if you’re late.
• Over-scheduling your toddler with back-to-back activities.
• A packed weekend schedule with little downtime.
• Constantly cleaning up after everyone instead of teaching shared responsibility.
• Feeling like you are failing as a mom when the laundry isn’t done or the house isn’t spotless.
• Having multi-task overload and the constant to-do list hamster wheel (trying to fold laundry, answer emails, and entertain your toddler all at the same time).
• Comparing yourself to moms on social media whose kids seem like angels and who seem to be able to do things you can’t.
• Wanting perfection whether with healthy meals for your toddler or perfectly executed toddler activities, feeling like you have to live up to ideals presented online.
• Having to “have” a New Years goal. Instead you could have a word like “joyful” or a vision or mission for the year.

Step 2: Prioritize What Truly Matters

Next, think of the moments or activities that genuinely bring you joy, fuel connection, and add to your family memories. These are the things you want to make more room for by letting go of what is dragging you down.

EXAMPLES

• Unstructured playtime with your toddler.
• Family dinners where everyone sits together, even if for just two minutes! 
• Time for self-care, like reading or exercising.
• Nourishing yourself with healthy foods, not just your toddlers leftovers or quick snacks that leave your blood sugar crashing.
• Making a designated meal time for you to refuel. Maybe you can make yourself breakfast after the toddlers have finished eating and sit and eat while they play. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but building in small moments to intentionally refuel can be something to work towards.
• Permission to rest and not always be on call.
• A sweet moment, a warm hug, or seeing the spark of fascination in your toddlers eyes.
• Outdoor adventures that are spontaneous or new.
• Daily walks outside.
• No guilt about screen-time where you cuddle and relax together.
• Simple family traditions that matter to you, like pizza night or pajama and movie day.
• Your partner taking responsibility for something so it’s off your plate, like being in charge of always grabbing the diaper bag. What’s one thing you can delegate for the year?
• Family connection time, like family games such as Go Fish, Duck Duck Goose, Simon Says, Hide and Seek, or picture scavenger hunts in the backyard or nearby park. 

Step 3: Create Your Reverse Bucket List

Based on your reflections, create a list of things you will let go of or cut back on. Be specific so it’s easier to hold yourself accountable. You can write these down on a sticky note, as a note in your phone, or in a journal, whatever works best for you.

EXAMPLES

1. Let go of keeping the house spotless.
2. Cut back on saying “yes” to every kids event or play-date on the weekend, with no time to recharge.
3. Eliminate overloading your calendar with commitments.

Set Boundaries and Habits that stick

For each item on your reverse bucket list, think about a habit or boundary to support your decision. These will help you stick to your priorities.

EXAMPLES

1. Reverse Bucket List Item: Stop cleaning up toys at the end of the day.
   • Boundary: Share the responsibility for keeping the house clean by teaching your toddler to tidy up their toys with you before bedtime.
   • You may have to look into resources like using timers or learn strategies to help your toddler with clean up and transitions. Heather has many resources available to support you!
2. Reverse Bucket List Item: Multi-task overload and the constant to-do list hamster wheel.
   • Boundary: Commit to only a limited number of tasks in a day so you don’t have to do everything all the time.
   • Assign specific days for certain tasks. Maybe you meal prep on Mondays, do laundry on Tuesday and Thursdays, and clean bathrooms on Wednesdays. Figure out what works for you.
3. Reverse Bucket Limit Item: Having too many commitments.
   • Boundary: Only schedule one event per weekend. Say no gracefully, but unapologetically.

Whether you are mapping out various long and short term goals for this New Year, are picking a word or motto for the year, or are intentionally cutting back and reprioritizing, remember that your goals are there to serve your family and your life, not the other way around. Don’t be afraid to change and adapt your goals as needed, so that your goals work for you. Happy New Year!

If you find yourself needing more parenting tools and support, sign up for the free Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Guide and Workshop here!

Hi! I’m Dabney, mom to three boys in three years! I found Heather through her podcast while searching for tools to help my own toddler’s aggressive outbursts and button pushing behaviors. Few voices in the parenting world address how to manage the intensity of these toddler behaviors when you have not just one but two or more children with you.

Enter Heather, an educator for ten years turned twin mom of two boys with stories and strategies that highlighted how to manage these hard moments while also being outnumbered. I participated in her Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Workshop and Cohort and found her strategies simple and effective. Not only is my parenting better for it, but I am growing in my confidence along this journey collecting tools along the way