Does your toddler tantrum when you say that it’s time to turn off the TV? Do you feel guilty for sometimes giving into the cries for more knowing your toddler probably watches too much, but you don’t know how you would survive the day with any less? You are not alone. So many parents have these struggles. In our modern world where screens are part of daily life, it’s hard to limit them, but what if unlimited screen time actually makes parenting harder, not easier? How can we teach our children good screen time habits and reduce the tantrums tied to technology at the same time?

Heather dives into this topic with some research, guidelines, and her own experience with her twin toddler boys to help parents build routines around screen time and give toddlers security in knowing what to expect, reducing the endless asking and tantrums!

**Listen to the full podcast episode here, or read on for the tips!

Toddlers and Screen Time

It is important that we understand the effects that TV time can have on our toddlers. Screen time, other than video calling, is not recommended at all for children under two. Between the ages of two and five, the AAP recommends only one hour of high quality screen time per day.

This can be a challenging limit to keep, especially when our toddlers are sick or stuck inside most of the day due to cold or rainy weather. It is also can be hard for parents if they have been relying on their toddler’s TV to get things done or have a moment of peace. As a twin mom who also works from home, Heather knows this struggle.

Overstimulation and Tantrums

As more and more studies come out about toddlers and technology, evidence is showing why limiting screen time for our little ones is so important. Screen time can have adverse effects on our toddler’s behavior, causing overstimulation which triggers our toddler’s fight or flight responses which then erupt as tantrums when the screen is turned off.

Because it is mesmerizing, our toddlers can become emotionally tied to the TV or the iPad and have a hard time separating from it, constantly asking when they will get to have screen time again. No matter how much screen time they get, they may never seem satisfied.

Sleep

Multiple hours of screen time a day can impact your toddler’s sleep. The AAP recommends that children have no screen time at least one hour before bedtime as the stimulation and light from the screen can disrupt their sleep cycles, causing them to wake up more in the night or not sleep as deeply. As toddlers get older, their imaginations also might run wild with things that they see on screens, leading to potential bedtime fears and nightmares.

Developmental Concerns

Excessive screen time can also have a negative effect on a child’s development. A study published in 2022 called Screen Time and Developmental Heath: Results from an Early Childhood Study in Canada surveyed 2,983 kindergarten students from 144 different schools and found that if a child watched more than one hour of TV a day their development was more likely to be negatively impacted.

They found that children who watched more than one hour of TV a day were:

• “41% more likely to be vulnerable regarding their physical health and wellbeing”
• “60% more likely to be vulnerable regarding their social competence”
• “29% more likely to be vulnerable regarding their emotional maturity”
• “81% more likely to be vulnerable regarding their language and cognitive development”
• “60% more likely to be vulnerable regarding their communication skills”

Screen Time Boundaries and Routines

The families that Heather has seen that struggle the most with tantrums and technology often don’t have a consistent screen time routine in place. When we can create clear and consistent boundaries around screens and hold them lovingly and firmly, confident in knowing we are doing what is best for their health and development, our toddlers will grow to accept that routine and we will see tantrums less frequently.

**Disclaimer: Heather understands that certain children need technology to communicate and do better when technology is available for them to use when they need it. If what you are doing works for you and your child, you don’t need to change it.

If your child’s behavior with screens is getting out of control and you know you need a change, the following tips will help you build in boundaries and create routines that will help bring peace to your home.

Tip#1: Start Small

Sometime it is best to start implementing change by starting small. One way to do this is by co-viewing with your toddler, sitting with them while they watch a show or a movie. By sitting with your toddler, you might be also to see how your toddler is feeling after a certain amount of screen time. If, after 30 minutes, you feel like you need a break to stretch and do something else, your toddler might need a break too.

Another way to limit screen time naturally is to find libraries, parks, and other children’s activities near you. A study found that having access to parks and libraries nearby correlates with less screen time. Having easy ways to get out of the house and do things your child enjoys will naturally decrease the amount of time they are home in front of a screen.

Tip#2: Decide on Tech Free Times and Make it Routine

The morning can be the best time to designate as screen free time. If you are used to relying on a screen to get more rest in the mornings or to make breakfast and get ready for the day, then this might be a challenge, but most toddlers will want to interact with us and jump right into play if a screen is not offered.

We can take advantage of our toddler’s morning drive to play and set out activities for them to engage in if we need to make breakfast or get ready instead of a screen. Delaying screen time until later in the day is better for your toddler because engaging with a screen first thing in the morning can can disrupt their normal dopamine levels, leaving them constantly wanting more and more all day.

• Create a morning bin where you set up a pre-planned activity for them to do instead of screen time.
• Lay out a few favorite books to look at.
• Set up some of their favorite toys at the breakfast table.
• Have them help you with breakfast.
• Read a book or listen to music at breakfast time.

Tip#3: Have Specific Tech Free Zones and Be Consistent

It is also helpful to have certain places in the house where screens can be used and places where they shouldn’t be used. For example, you can have boundaries of no screens in the bedroom and no screens at the dinner table. Having clear expectations around when and where you allow screens and being consistent helps your toddler accept those boundaries. This also allows them the freedom to be bored which actually leads to greater creativity and play in the long run. 

Tip#4: Give Choices to Help with Transitions after Screen Time

After our toddler has hit the screen time limit for the day and we need to turn it off, we can help them transition to a different activity by giving them choices for what to do next.

• This can sound like: “Do you want to read books or build with blocks next?”

Having an alternative list of things to do when your toddler asks for screen time outside of routine can help re-direct their attention.

• “Maybe you could color, play with playdough, build something with magnetic tiles, listen to a story, listen to music, or go play in the backyard!”

Heather’s Twins and TV Time

When Heather’s twin boys were two and stopped napping, her days felt very long and it was so hard to get anything done. In the winter, when the weather was often too cold to get outside, she found she was relying on her toddlers’ screen time to entertain them and get through the day. Even after limiting screen time in the morning and only turning on the TV in the afternoon, her toddlers were still exceeding the recommended one hour of screen time and Heather noticed her toddlers’ behaviors worsening. She knew that her high energy toddlers really needed to get more of their energy out through play.

One winter day, a wind storm took out their internet and Heather was looking at the outage as an opportunity to have a TV free day of play with her toddlers. Then, out of the blue, one of her toddlers threw a toy at the TV and broke the screen. Now not only was the internet out for the day, but the TV was broken and they would have to get a new one to be able to watch their usual shows.

Heather decided to use the broken TV as a natural consequence for throwing a toy around and breaking it. She hadn’t meant to limit screen time by going completely cold turkey with screen time, but once her toddlers accepted that the TV was broken, they stopped asking for it as much.

Screen Time with a Toddler and New Baby

When my first born was 17 months old, his younger brother came along. After the bliss of newborn naps ended, I found myself needing quiet while nursing and getting the baby down several times a day and my still very young toddler was not able to stay quiet for that long if he was with me. Not knowing what else to do to keep him quiet, I sat him down with a show for 30 minutes every few hours.

Though this strategy worked some of the time, after a few months, I realized that the TV was becoming more of a problem than a help. My toddler still struggled to be away from me most of the time, even with the pull of the TV, and if he was still happily watching when I came back he would have tantrums when I turned it off. So once day I decided to cut TV out of our routine and started to set out an activity for my toddler while I got his brother down for a nap. Then, once my second was old enough to watch a little TV, I set up a routine of one show on certain afternoons after nap time/quiet time. Now that this routine has been in place for a few years, my toddlers almost never ask for screen time and tantrums around turning it off have significantly decreased.

Limiting screen time can feel so daunting, but implementing simple boundaries and finding a routine that works for you and your family will help simplify your life and allow for lots of great imaginative play and natural learning.

If you find yourself needing more parenting tools and support, sign up for the free Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Guide and Workshop here!

Hi! I’m Dabney, mom to three boys in three years! I found Heather through her podcast while searching for tools to help my own toddler’s aggressive outbursts and button pushing behaviors. Few voices in the parenting world address how to manage the intensity of these toddler behaviors when you have not just one but two or more children with you.

Enter Heather, an educator for ten years turned twin mom of two boys with stories and strategies that highlighted how to manage these hard moments while also being outnumbered. I participated in her Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Workshop and Cohort and found her strategies simple and effective. Not only is my parenting better for it, but I am growing in my confidence along this journey collecting tools along the way.