While on Trips or at Home.

Do you find yourself giving instructions to your toddler and having to repeat them endlessly to get them to follow through? Maybe you have told them over and over to clean up the toys but they still haven’t. Or you have told them several times that it is time to go but they won’t stop playing.

What can we do when our toddlers tune us out? Can we get them to listen and follow directions?

Thankfully, the answer is yes!

**Listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading for some helpful tips!

• This is the last episode in a three part series focusing on parenting in the midst of travel and summer fun. If you want to check out Part 1: Navigating Road Trips and Part 2: Planning for Long Outings, click the links!

In this episode, Heather shares how it can be more difficult for toddlers to follow verbal directions while on vacation. You may find that you are having to repeat yourself more often simply because you all are out of your normal routines, in different environments, and overstimulated by many new things. But we also don’t want to be repeating ourselves so much that we become a broken record and inadvertently teach our toddlers to tune us out.

This can happen even while not on vacation. We can all find ourselves in a habit of repeating instructions too often and needing to find better ways to help our toddlers listen and follow through.

So whether you are out on a trip to the beach or just in your own backyard, what can you do to repeat yourself less and help your toddler listen more?

Here are some tips to help:

• DON’T continually give verbal directions.
  • When we are only repeating verbal directions, that is when we sound like a broken record and our toddlers are not learning to listen effectively.
• Use other kinds of prompts instead.

Prompts are simply ways to help our toddlers to listen better. Giving verbal directions is a kind of verbal prompt, but often we get stuck here and don’t use other prompts that may help our toddler’s follow through better. They often need more help connecting our words to actions.

Here are three other kinds of prompts to use alongside of a verbal prompt.

1. Physical Prompts: Guiding our toddlers physically to complete the instruction. This is the most support you can give to help a child follow through.
   • This can look like helping our toddler brush their teeth when they won’t do it independently. Or helping them, hand over hand, to pick up the toys.
   • Physical prompts can also include modeling, which can look like showing them how you brush your own teeth or initiating the cleanup and singing the cleanup song while you do.
2. Gestural Prompts: Using body language and proximity to move our toddlers in the right direction. This can look like:
   • Pointing or other hand motions. For example, pointing to our toddler’s shoes by the door when it’s time to go, or motioning for them to follow us.
   • Placing things closer to our toddler to increase motivation and momentum. For example, placing the bin of toys next to them when it’s time to clean up.
3. Visual Prompts: Pictures that show actions.
   • Having pictures of the different steps in the bedtime routine, a visual checklist for chores, or pictures of daily activities on your calendar.
   • You can use books as a visual aids as well. Many bedtime books incorporate a bedtime routine into the story.

Say Less, Support More

Helping our toddlers learn how to follow verbal prompts requires connecting our words to actions by following through ourselves. You can incorporate all these prompts by saying the verbal prompt once, and then using gestures, proximity, modeling, and lastly physical prompts if they are still in need of full on support.

Here is a scenario putting it all together:

• Parent: “Ok, it’s time to leave the park.” Verbal Prompt
• Parent gathers the things and starts moving in the direction of the car and checks to see if toddler is following. Modeling
• Toddler is still playing, so the parent goes back to the child and offers a hand to hold, does a “follow me” motion, or points to the car saying, “It’s time to go!” Gestural Prompt
• Toddler still is resistant and parent carries toddler to the car. Physical Prompt

When we use all of these prompts together, we are offering increasing levels of support to meet our toddlers right where they are. Sometimes a verbal prompt and a gesture is all they need. Other times they are going to need your full physical support, and that is O.K! Making sure we are prepared to give that full physical support when needed is key to keeping our calm in the middle of it all.

Being Prepared to Follow Through

In my own parenting I sometimes find myself getting into a habit of too much verbal prompting by talking about something we are about to do (or something my toddler needs to do or not do) without actually being prepared to follow through with what I said.

EXAMPLE

• If I say, “Ok it’s bathtime!” but I am still finishing up the dishes, I am not showing that it actually is time for a bath. If I want to mention bathtime in a moment like this I should give a five minute reminder instead. But if I get the water running and set out the bath toys saying, “It’s bathtime!” then I am prepared to follow through right then and there and my toddlers can trust that I mean what I say.

This principle applies to giving behavioral instructions as well.

EXAMPLE

• As a mom of three boys close in age, there have been times I am nursing the baby and hear my other toddlers getting into something they shouldn’t. As long as it is not a safety issue, I sometimes know I need to let it be for one more minute while I finish caring for the baby because I know that they will need my physical presence and guidance. Calling out instructions from across the house while my hands are full doesn’t do much good, causing me to feel more frustrated. Then I am more likely to react negatively instead of stepping in as the calm authority.

The longer I am a parent, the more I see the importance of being intentional with what I say and when, making sure that I am prepared to support my toddlers when they need my help following through. This helps them trust my leadership and learn to listen better.

If you need more tools to support you in your own parenting journey, sign up for the next free Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Workshop here!

Hi! I’m Dabney, mom to three boys in three years! I found Heather through her podcast videos on YouTube while searching for tools to help my own toddler’s aggressive outbursts and button pushing behaviors. Few voices in the parenting world address how to manage the intensity of these toddler behaviors when you have not just one but two or more children with you.

Enter Heather, a twin mom of two boys with stories and strategies that highlighted how to manage these hard moments while also being outnumbered. I participated in her most recent Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior and Tantrums Workshop and Cohort and found her strategies simple and effective. Not only is my parenting better for it, but I am growing in my confidence along this journey collecting more tools along the way!